Love is...

When My Beloved and I began talking on a regular basis two years ago, I felt the need to apologize for the hurt and pain my choices of 23 years ago had caused him.

I believe intent is everything and that all desisions we make affect those around us. What makes the diffrence in our sinning or not is whether we are honestly doing what is best for us or trying to hurt someone.

Becoming pregnant changed everything including circumstances that I could or could not live with while raising our child. I chose to leave Virginia and came home to Ohio. I know how this affected me so I also know how it affected him.

Leaving him was the hardest thing I ever did, but I did what I had to do. Knowing that I hurt him deeply was the regret I carried. When I apologized, he said, "I don't want you to be sorry. When you love someone, really love someone, you let things go."

For the first time in my life, I saw 1 Corinthians 13:7 in action. This man truly knew what the definition of love is~ The way he loves me inspires me to be a better person and causes me to trust him with my whole heart. It makes me love him back!

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

From Bible Gateway. The Message Bible.

Good Morning, Lord~

This morning at 6:30am my phone rang. It was My Beloved! Just the sound of his ringtone on my cell phone causes my spirit to soar. Being 500 miles apart is hard for any relationship and it has been a long time since we could just talk. We both needed the other this morning.

It never fails to amaze me how important it is to this man to make sure that I know he loves me and thinks of me often. He knows I need that reassurance. God knows I need it, too.

This long distance relationship has caused me to run straight into the arms of My Heavenly Father on so many occasions. My Beloved is a man-a mere mortal-and although we love each other dearly, circumstances dictate that we can not wake up next to one another and share our days and nights together. Loneliness tortures me. Anger taunts me. Fear attempts to consume me. Hopelessness grabs at my soul.

I have often prayed to God that He would rise up in my spirit and that I would cry out to Him first and no longer as a last resort. Be careful what you pray for! He loves me and will answer my prayers. I believe the ones I pray that entail me being closer to Him are the ones He holds dearest. He knows my inner most parts, He knows the love He has placed deep within my heart for this man. He knows my every thing.

Once a scripture gets ahold of me, I hang on until the fruit of it is thriving in my life. I read Psalms 37:4 which promises: Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. First an action then a promise of reward. Smart Father, He is! I use the same principle with my children..."If and Then." IF I delight myself in the Lord, THEN He will give me the desires of my heart. Having battled depression most of my life, I didn't have a clue how to delight myself in any thing! I so desperately wanted to live out the desires of my heart....desires that He had placed there.

Finally, I cried out, "Daddy! I want the desires of my heart! Help me to delight myself in You!" Imagine the delight in a Father's heart when His child asks for what He has wanted to give them all along. Things began happening in my every day life. I became all the more aware of the wonderful things I often took for granted. The sun became shinier, the sky bluer, the breeze more refreshing. I grew in my understanding of Him and His ways.

He even tell us that His ways are not our ways and that His thoughts are higher than ours. Even as a parent I don't understand why He allows what He allows but this is where faith comes in. Faith, not blind disobedience but, a choice to trust in His wisdom and the knowledge that He knows what is best for me. It is not always easy to walk the path laid before me even knowing that not only is He there, but that He will even carry me when I can no longer move forward.

And even more amazing is the fact that regardless of how terribly I mess up, He is there to help me to my feet, brush me off, and restore me. He is LOVE!

Pics from the weekend~

Hugs~

Happy Resurection Day!

My Easter gift to you:

Listen to this beautiful song.

I will praise you Lord my God, even in my brokeness I will praise you Lord.

I will praise you Lord my God, even in my desperation, I will praise you Lord.

And I can't understand all that you allow, I just can't see the reason

But my life is in Your hands, and though I cannot see You, I choose to trust you.

Even when my heart is torn, I will praise you Lord,

Even when I feel deserted, I will praise you Lord,

Even in the darkest valley, I will praise you Lord,

When my world is shattered, and it seems all hope is gone,

Yet I will praise You Lord.

I will trust You, Lord my God, even in my lonliness I will trust You Lord.

I will trust You, Lord my God, even when I cannot hear You, I will trust You Lord.

And I will not forget, that You hung on a cross, Lord you bled and died for me.
And if I have to suffer, I know that You've been there, and I know that You're here now.

Even when my heart is torn, I will trust You Lord.

Even when I feel deserted, I will trust You Lord.

Even in the darkest valley, I will trust You Lord.

And when my world is shattered and it seems all hope is gone,

Yet I will praise You Lord.

Open letter to NapWarden~

Hello Cynthia...this is Phyl from Scrappy n Happy in OH. Since I so loved the ladybug design you did for me last year you are the natural choice for a designer for my new blog:).

Life has brought some wonderful changes and the new blog is to reflect them. The short of it is this...I am head over heels in love with a man I had not seen in 23 years. God has healed me and made me whole...then I got to see My Beloved!!!! There is a story(just the beginning) on the blog u can read if u wanna...for background.

Here are the particulars: White woman curly hair-black man bald and sexy...still crazy for each other after all these years. Maybe her in a white guaze summer dress...him in cargo shorts and a white muscle shirt? The beach, wooded areas....he LOVES food, she smiles or giggles all the time...and is starry-eyed over this dude.(In fact, he curled my toes with a kiss...and I gotta tell u...that never happened before in 49 years of life:).

We have a 24 year old daughter together...he has another daughter and 2 sons...so do I! I am gonna be with him next weekend...and I am soooo excited...lol.

I want a blog set and maybe even a twitter page:). Possibly my own logo kinda thingie. Don't u love it when I talk technical?

Check it out. It's still basic cos I wanted to let u work ur magic before I got social-bookmarking and link crazy...lol. Three columns, plz.

Other Links:
Love story:)
See pics of us here.

I am excited to work with you again!

New Service~

I just set it up so that I can blog from my cell phone~ The next post is gonna be my first attempt at doing so:).

Edited to add...having technical difficulties...lol.

Have u ever...?

Have you ever been in love? Is there still the littlest spark surviving deep in your soul...a spark that, if given some air, would consume both of you? Have you ever called his name out loud and he calls you on the phone immediately? Have you ever known someone who you can't see for years and as soon as you hear their voice, all of the time lapsed disappears? Have you ever wanted someone so badly that it caused your very soul to ache with longing? Ever have a connection that defied circumstances, time, space, logic, all that is holy? Can one note...the very first note of a song carry you back 25 years to a time when life was simpler and you were with him? Do you know the definition of "hungry eyes"? Ever have someone locked way down deep in your heart...kept there like a secret treasure because you know no one would understand? Does every true love song melt your bones? Has he ever been talking to you on the phone and his buddy drove up and says, "you are talking to so&so, aren't you?" This after 15 years of not seeing one another. How did his buddy KNOW? Seems I am the only woman who ever made him kick the ground out of nervousness. Now that's precious~

I won $250.00!

Debt Goal sponsored a contast on Facebook and I entered. I had to write a 75 word essay on my best thrifty decision. Here is my entry:

The best thrifty decision I made involves traveling with family. We rent vehicles using the weekend specials, pay tolls, buy gas, food, and drinks for the road then split the total. Once there everyone covers their own motel rooms, meals, and spending money. We often qualify for family rates. We have reward memberships at Enterprise, Wyndam Motels, and various gas stations so we often get freebies plus we use coupons found locally.

This came in e-mail yesterday: Jacqueline sent you a message.

Subject: DebtGoal.com Thriftaholic Competition!

Hi Phyl,

I work with DebtGoal.com and would like to congratulate you as the winner of the first "Confessions of a Thriftaholic" competition on facebook!

I'm sure you're excited to receive your $250. prize! To issue you a check, we'll just need you to fill out a W9 form for us. I can email you this form, if you'll provide me with your email address. Then we can put a check in the mail to you!

Thanks for sharing your fun thrifty tip with the DebtGoal.com community! Let your friends know, and spread the word - April is financial literacy month, so it's a perfect time for people to check out DebtGoal.com.

Please let me know if you have any questions.

Thanks,
- Jackie
***
This is the announcement from Debt Goal's wall on Facebook:
Congratulations to Phyl Williams, winner of DebtGoal.com's first "Confessions of a Thriftaholic" facebook competition! Phyl's thrifty tip received the most votes by fans, and we at DebtGoal.com like the spirit of fun, family and collaboration at the heart of Phyl's tip! Just because the contest has wrapped up - don't let that stop you from sharing your best cost-saving and debt-reducing tips here.

The prize is $250.00 which I am applying to my portion of our next trip!